You were never on your best behaviour. Not even when we first met. No- you were strange, crude, and confrontational at various points— As was I. I found myself drawn to you within each moment passing. A privileged audience member to something real, exposed, and honest. A masterpiece of human, painting itself and then being displayed with pride. No mistakes as you paint the darker strokes. Painting imperfections to be so beautiful, as you see fit and as you are meant to be simply because you will yourself into existence without accident. I love you for the impression you bring deliberately and unknowingly upon this world. I would let the wake of this, of what is you, overtake and consume me. If nothing remains in the end of this process, then I will have disintegrated while standing as an electric storm of my own neurons igniting blissfully as a reaction to your very touch. But you do not take from me despite my willingness. You cultivate. You love. You support. You love selflessly and accept love readily knowing that it is what you have always deserved. You deserve the world and at my knees I will forever offer up mine. Please, never let there be confusion as to how privileged I feel just for the chance to have met you— let alone to intertwine my world into yours.
With the love and support of Taryn, I’ve felt a breadth of security/safety that has brought me to discover a sense of the meaning to true unconditional/unwavering love. With this I’ve been able to progress as a person and re-evaluate many things within myself without pressure from outside sources on what conclusions I *must* reach. Before going further, I would like to say thank you and express my infinite depth of love and appreciation for her. There’s no border drawn to the lengths I’ll go to provide you with the same amount of love that you have shown me. I’m far from the easiest person to converse with when I get into my rants/tangents let alone the countless points that you’ve acted as a sounding board to my own internal conflicts. I’ve spun myself into multiple internal hells throughout the years in attempts to understand things that honestly could have just been left alone; But you— You have shown so much patience, understanding, and support to stand by my side as I have torn myself to pieces repeatedly and rebuilt to which I know has not always been a pretty sight. Even through all of our good and bad moments, you saw me for who I am at my core and loved me. Taryn, you emerged amidst a static that was nonsensical and cruel to act as a beacon not just to a better life but in a direction that I continually sprint towards— towards myself, you, and the creation of a family that I had always dreamt to have but thought unattainable for so long. You are better than the fantasies of a life that ignited my senses years ago. There is no filter from reality through you. You spill out in front of me in high contrast to love dark and light— And by god, I will love and accept every inch, blood vessel, muscle, and neuron of your existence readily. In the years before you I may have lost my romantic self in many ways. Please don’t take this as offense or look upon me as if I’m damaged goods. I simply refuse to romanticize you. You are amazing as you stand in greatness and in flaw. I want to love you the same way you live, honestly and truthfully. You are is so much more beautiful than any combination of words that I could ever write. You desire something sweet… So here’s this;
So well put together—
A well orchestrated form of insane.
Smeared with the sweet scent of human,
The smell of slow decay released from
A rotting mind in hostile grounds.
Building in the same manner
Of which he destroyed—
Sat the man with no sense of time.
Coffee, in stale aroma rising
From the stains that surrounded him.
"One must adapt…
To survive?” he asked himself.
But to survive as what?
Each night the same
Without resolve he stood from his seat
Each morning to greet an intricate life
So linear in methods. No exceptions.
I’m supposed to
love you” said a beautiful creature
as it stepped forth upon him.
They already had
Unbeknownst to both.
She grabbed him at the back of the spine
And he felt almost torn away
From himself as this happened.
Apparently, in Love—
Whole worlds are extinguished
Within the synchronized breath
Of the right souls.
For the first in a long time
He bare witness to something
Truly worth living for.
His world was assured destruction
At the mercy of a beautiful creature.
Sweet and Beautiful
"I love her" he thought
In realization just days later.
For fear of dreamlike perspectives.
"It can’t be real"
After all, what could
Even mean? She, He, They
Like a nervous breakdown,
Smiling while running
And the ground behind quaking—
Damn those that built stances
Of damnation in the process.
To pursue love, Understanding,
And depths of self—
Where insanity is welcomed
To footing that once tormented—
With love he would collapse a thousand times
Without Fear. For his heading upon standing
Would hence forth always be stationary.
I love you as it is my definition to exist in order to love you. I am still me without you, and I’d stand strong as myself in your absence— But my existence would be a fair amount more nonsensical. I would thereafter resume a life of perpetual discontent to aimlessly love something forever lost.
"I wish I could see these images without these girls faces. This image would be great if I could blackout her face."