General Sex Blog
But at some point, being in a relationship also means accepting vulnerability. Sometimes you have to just try to trust people even though you might get hurt. It sucks, but I don’t know a way around it.
I don’t think you have a right to demand he not hang out or hug a friend of his. I do think you have a right to talk to him about how you feel and ask him about how he feels.
During recent conversations it has become evident that a lot of people I know don’t understand the difference between jealousy and envy. Semantics, you’re probably saying. It’s just a word…what’s the issue? Well, my friend, the issue here is that conversations you may have…
This is pretty important. I don’t feel jealousy often but envy pops up every now and then about poly and non-poly related issues.
I think this is pretty normal. I don’t want someone else to *not* have something I just want it too.
This is a really great post.
Anonymous asked: Hey, just saw a guest post of yours @polynotes. I have started seeing this girl after a series of long mono relationships. Intellectually I am rather inclined to polyamory, I think that it is a healthier way to explore affection than monogamy. We are both on the same page about not wanting to be defined on traditional terms, and though we made it clear we are not seeing anyone else now, we agreed that it might happen. Emotionally, however, I feel afraid and insecure about this, any advice?
Sorry if any of this seems redundant but I thought some of it should be developed a little further;
Traditional terms and generic labelling, in my opinion, is fairly destructive to individuals as well as relationships. We exist within a web of intricacies that can evolve rapidly dependent on either the persons need to adapt or capabilities/freedom to grow. Many find it hard to clearly define what they themselves are let alone to define another— And to define that which binds the two together? It compounds the already arduous task. It takes a lot of effort and understanding to practice this in a functional manner of progression in a monogamous setting. A person could easily assume that this becomes even worse in a poly setting…. And it can be but it can also be the most simple task that you both ever engage in as long as you first drop expectations/definitions/labels. Most of the fears involved in anything in life derive from defining yourself, to others, situations, or the ungodly spiral of chaos of how it all intertwines in the most intricate volatile web where collision to implode seems inevitable— But no! You have to understand that this web has danced for millennia in such a manner, and love is only destroyed when its dance is intervened by the malicious jaws of fear…
Sorry, in early hours with no sleep I tend to write in odd ways… Anyway, the point is that the need to define/label something so intricate in simplistic ways is one of the key causes of fear. And why wouldn’t it cause fear?! If you define it simply and you are bound to be proven wrong repeatedly since it’s not simple. Don’t let the definitions reflect to define the situation nor the person. The person and the moment comes first which can then be defined and learned from internally for your own personal growth. Keep in mind that these definitions and lessons that you draw are for progression alone. Even thereafter, these definitions/labels do not define the person, they only summarize your memories of them. To impose such further is, in many ways, absurd. If you define a lake’s shoreline as blue and the water runs thick green with algae every fall then you can’t yell at the water about how it’s broken. That would just make you the town drunk.
Once these definitions/labels are removed there is only us as we are. When you feel fear you say “I need to feel love” and those who love you grant it readily to which the rest is then invalidated.
Another large mistake is viewing a relationship as “us”. No matter how strong the bind, we are all individuals and should be allotted the space to progress as such. We happily exist alongside one another as we love each other as individuals. If we grow apart then let our voices be heard but so be it as long as we do it out of love and not malice. If I am destined to lose connection then let it be done with understanding, growth as an individual, and love instead of pain, fear, and hatred. I’m not saying this in regards to a “higher power” having a “master plan” but instead, whether a spouse is under tension with no freedoms or completely free— it’s guaranteed that they will no matter what, progress. This can’t be changed. By feeding their progression (and your own) you are showing love for them (and for yourself) which this level of caring, in my view point, nurtures far more trust of true character in each other as well as shows that you genuinely care. Providing freedom is something that people love you for. Helping them grow as they are no matter the direction gives something more hospitable then any other atmosphere. Having a spouse feel safe, stable, at home, and as they are even if as they are is completely separate from you; If anything this guarantees that they have very little reason to leave anyway. Free, loved, and free of judgement…
So why worry?
… I could say that it takes someone secure and that can love themselves first before engaging in poly dynamics, but that transition should ideally take place on some level before even engaging in a monogamous relationship.
Even if you don’t see things the way that I do then hopefully somewhere in this was something that can help you decide what’s right for you. Keep in mind there’s no definitive right way/perspective on this but only what’s right for you. Even my girlfriend of 6+ years and I have pretty different perspectives on those who we engage with. Mine is no better than hers, but simply different. You don’t have to agree with your spouse, just be honest and respectful of their perspective.
people are angrier at women who claim to hate men than at men who actually hate, rape, kill and abuse women.
More statistical “Facts” then?
I have one too;
People tend to hate bananas more passionately then dogs tend to hate goldfish.
We all hate rapists, murders, and retarded hill billies; But the more reasonable people know the difference between equality and someone just trying to sling bigotry at the opposite end of the spectrum. Extreme feminism doesn’t preach equality. It preaches that women are superior and encourages hate based on gender lines. Extreme feminists are hardly more evolved in their stance than the red neck fools that they hate.
You don’t need hatred to get people to fight alongside you. You need reason and passion for justice. Sadly, I cannot help protest or fight for the just cause of equality in person unless I hate myself in the way that you wish me to. I cannot participate in any function for furthering women’s rights without being told that I’m scum because of what some closed minded retards believe in.
There is a very good source for protest but there is no justice or logic in your fights when all you do is preach more hatred.